5 tips on surviving life with a newborn and a toddler
First off, I am no expert in being a mother. I feel like that just needs to be said. However, I have now done this twice. This being surviving the newborn stage. So I feel like I have a wee bit of insight that could possibly be useful to you! And so, after doing this two times now these are the 5 most important pieces of advice I tell to every new mama and now I am telling them to you. And chances are someone else probably told them to me. When I was a teacher we used to say “work smarter not harder” all the time. I feel like that goes with being a mom too. Who cares if you came up with it or if someone else did. Share it! Someone somewhere needs to hear it.
1. The first 4 weeks are survival - take ALL the help you can get.
Once Hadley was born I quickly forgot about those first 4 weeks of a newborn’s life. You experience every emotion under the sun after the birth of a new baby. Joy. Anxiety. Love. Guilt. Anger. Infatuation. And OH the exhaustion. If you don’t know about sleep deprived hallucinations yet, get ready, they’re a thing! I think that’s why you forget about that time. It is so overwhelming that it just flies by. But in that moment time goes by so slowly. With Paxton, I didn’t see the light. I didn’t know how long I’d be in that blur. It was REALLY hard. I had postpartum anxiety so bad that I didn’t even want to be around my husband. I felt like I needed to do it all and would resent Colton for not reading my mind. ASK for help. Don’t expect ANYONE to know what you need. YOU know what you need so ask for it. With Hadley I knew those challenges were coming. Knowing a little about what to expect made each sleepless night and tired exhausting day a lot easier. Although not EASY because, toddlers. You have no time to be tired. And that is why asking for help is SO important. My parents would take Paxton for sleepovers so that I could have some one-on-one time with Hadley. Or my mother-in-law would come over and hold Hadley while Paxton was napping so that I could take a nap. Colton would stay up late with Hadley when she wouldn’t sleep so that I could get a 3 hour stretch in before the long night began. Ask for help. Say YES whenever help is offered. Seriously, every single time. Those first 4 weeks will pass and you CAN and WILL get through it.
2. Pick a routine and stick to it.
As a former teacher I thrive on routines and schedules just as my students did. And to be honest I think most people do to an extent. There is just so much peace in knowing what to expect in a day. When Paxton was born I quickly realized how badly I needed a routine. But I was a first time mom! I had no idea what routine to follow. I needed help. Thank goodness for social media. I found TakingCaraBabies class on Instagram. Bought her course and followed it to a T. And BAM. I had the perfect new mama schedule. It was exactly what I needed. A sleeping happy baby equals a rested happy mama. So if you have a newborn I HIGHLY recommend you look her up. All my new mama friends were so shocked at how well Paxton was sleeping and at such an early age. I have suggested her to every new mom I know because it works THAT well. Once Hadley was born I followed that same sleeping schedule with her (after the first 4 weeks of course because like I said - survival). She started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old! Paxton is 2 now so he only takes one long nap in the middle of the day, usually 12-2. Some days Hadley’s middle of the day nap matches up, some days it doesn’t. On the days that it does I would take advantage of that alone time and either clean up the house, workout, or just relax and watch a show. On the days it didn’t match up I took advantage of the one-on-one time with her. Their bedtimes also don’t line up just yet but that’s ok. Hadley goes down around 6 and then that’s when we have dinner as a family. Then we start Paxton’s bedtime routine around 7 and he is down by 7:30-8. Paxton sleeps through the night and Hadley wakes up once for a feeding and they are both up at the same time in the mornings usually by 7! Seriously Cara’s class is amazing you need it. I also read this sleep training book and that was super helpful also. That book is really good to read while pregnant, and then once when the baby comes. You'll need the refresher with how tired you're going to be. Getting good sleep is not only super important for your babies but also your own sanity. Check out my post on must have baby sleep products on our favorite items that we used with both babies!
3. Let your toddler be bored (also screen time can be a babysitter, they won’t die)
That last little tidbit was advice for myself as well. I probably cried for 2 weeks straight about how much screen time Paxton was getting because of all the attention Hadley needed from me (being held and nursed 24/7). Then I quickly realized, he won’t die. I can turn the TV off when I want. I can turn it ON when I want too. Sometimes I would give him “breastfeeding” toys. Toys that I’d only bring out during nursing times. And that worked! Until it didn’t. Not only is the first 4 weeks survival with a newborn but also with your toddler. Your first born is used to ALL of your attention. When you bring that new baby home they are going to go through a survival period of their own. They may throw more tantrums than usual. They may start acting up. They may cry every time you hold your new baby. That time will pass. So I let him watch TV. I needed to survive too ok! When I felt like he was watching too much I’d turn it off and guess what. I’d let him be bored. It is amazing how much growing up a toddler can do when they have to learn how to entertain themselves. It was magical! I didn’t plan a game, or an activity, or tell him what to do. I’d let him explore his toys himself. He learned how to do independent play and I believe that is SO important for their young minds. So. Play the tv. Or don’t. Let them be bored. Or don’t. Do what you need to do to survive. Check out my post on our favorite toddler toys here!
4. Make time for YOU
I wish I would have known that Paxton would be ok if someone else held him for a while so I could sleep, or shower, or take a bath. Have some ME time. Because ME time after a baby is so important. What I also wish I would have known is that Paxton will be ok if he cries for 5 minutes so that I COULD take a shower or get ready for the day. Getting ready for the day always made me feel more human but with Paxton I felt guilty if he was crying so I made excuses. Mama, baby will be fine. Babies cry! Take your shower. Put on your makeup. You will feel so much better when you do. Then pick up your baby and wow look at that, they’re ok :)
5. Find a community of mamas. Or even just one.
Having a mama friend or a community of mama friends doing this with you at the same time going through the same struggles as you is so important. That is part of the reason I am starting this blog! We are all in this together, it takes a village haven’t you heard? It is so comforting having a mom friend that understands EXACTLY what you’re going through. Someone that can make you feel sane and to tell you you’re doing a good job. Because you are you know. Doing a good job. Do you love your babies? If the answer is yes, you’re doing a dang good job. That’s what they need a mama that loves them. And you need mom friends that will love and support you! Yes, you have your husband and your family. That is SO important too. But they didn’t just give birth to a human that is relying on them to survive. Find a mom friend. Love her. And support her.
I hope this helps. I know that I am still heeding this advice as we speak. And I would love to be your mama friend. Send me a message or leave a comment about what you’re doing to survive! Let’s do this together.
With love, Megan, Paxton & Hadley