Walls Came Down, Anxieties Went Up

I made Colton read this post before I published it, because I just always do that. He read it and goes, “Megan is this a post about our fight or a post about the office?” And well… it’s both! So I apologize for my rambling, random, story telling. But, it’s just what I do. Here’s the thing, I’m proud of two things. The office being done, and our fight we had. I wanted to write about them both. I thought they had to do with each other! In my mind it made sense. So here we go.

My husband had a grand idea to tackle a renovation during this quarantine because he got word he’d be working from home till the end of the year and he needed an office space. His current office space was in the garage and summer was coming. I did not want to knock down walls and undergo this big project with a newborn in the house but, you can’t always win in a marriage. You know because of… compromise. 

The first wall came down, and my anxieties went up. 

I am the type of person that cannot stand messes. My brain cannot function well if there is a mess in sight. When our home was filled with dust, and scrap wood, and wires, and tools lying around everywhere, I lost it.

I can say this now, but at the time I didn’t truly realize why I was so moody and snappy and truly just sad, I felt sad. I was blaming it on postpartum emotions, which it was probably due to those as well, I was only 4 months postpartum when he started this project. Those feelings carried over almost the entire duration of this renovation. I felt like we had to compromise on so many things. Colton says we didn’t, but it sure felt like we did. Some things I wanted were just too expensive or labor intensive that he just flat out said no to. I was upset that I wasn’t completely getting my way on some things on this project I didn’t even want to begin with. I became pretty distant from him. He became pretty distant from me. Until… the fight. 

Ok, I want to give a little background before I get to the root of this fight. Colton and I are opposites in a lot of ways. I love getting stuff done. I want to do it right away and not take too long to think about it. I get excited about something so quickly and immediately want to implement my ideas. Colton is the opposite. He is very analytical, thinking things through. Making sure things are done perfectly right. If he gets an idea he has to do so much research before he implements it. But, did I mention I’m impatient? We also have different love languages. Mine is quality time, his is acts of service. If you know anything about love languages, then you know that in order to show love to your significant other you need to first feel loved yourself. Showing love to your spouse in your love language is not going to make them feel loved. Colton had been working on the office project practically every day after work and wasn’t spending time with me when the kids went down because he wanted to do his own thing. 

Fine. So I did my own thing too.

The more distance between us. The more arguments about silly things.

Like a chair. And applesauce… let me explain. 

I am a lover of home decor. Of things looking nice. When my home looks good, I feel good. My surroundings are truly a reflection of my mood. It’s just who I am. So when he decided to buy the most hideous chair I’d ever seen. I was very upset. Then his reasoning was because he needed the office the most. He was making the most money for the family. He built the office. He should have whatever chair he wanted in there. 

Ok. Now I’m really upset. 

We were sitting on the couch after… the chair. And Colton was drinking applesauce (yes he drinks our son’s applesauce) in such a way that was irritating me. I told him I hated the way he drinks applesauce. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said “Megan, if you’re triggered by the way I’m eating applesauce, then something is wrong with you.” 

More arguments. 

We both broke. 

Let me now give you some more background before I tell you the resolution of this fight. 

I knew I wanted to marry Colton for many reasons. But one of them was because of his love for Jesus and his values of marriage. We both agree that Jesus is the one true marriage Counselor. That not one of us can be right, what Jesus says goes. Whenever we have an argument we turn to Him. We turn to The Word. We can always find our answers there. Of course we are human so we argue, but we are also in love so we fix it.

Like I mentioned earlier, I’m a go for it kind of person. Colton is a thinker. He was continuing to think and reflect on our argument while I just wanted to end it. So, I said I’m sorry first. Then he shared with me his reflections. He said that he was sorry too. He wasn’t spending time with me at night like I had asked. He knows that’s my love language. He knows he messed up and that’s why I lashed out about the applesauce. He apologized for what he said about not completely sharing the office with me. He admitted his anxiety has been at an all time high because of this stupid, stupid pandemic and the financial stress it has brought us. We all say things when our emotions are high. We both agreed we weren’t spending enough time in The Word. We both agreed that is how we’d fix it. 

We are human. We fight. We are not the same person. We do not always agree. But I am proud of this fight. I am proud we didn’t just sweep it under the rug and we got to the root of why we were both upset. 

So, Colton agreed he’d only put the hideous chair in the office when he was using it. Other times I could put whatever chair I wanted in there. We started spending more intentional time together when the kids went to sleep. When my love language was met, it was easier for me to meet his. This may seem silly. But I know if you’re married, you understand. Arguments are inevitable.

But I pray that you can find your answer to your fights with Jesus as your Counselor. It really is the only way. 

With love, 

Megan 

Ps. I have the lights and rug linked on the shop tab at the top. If you have questions about anything else from our office please feel free to reach out!