Oh Crap, I ruined my baby

If you’re a mom I know you’ve all thought this at least once. And if you’re like me, multiple times. I remember the first time this crossed my mind when my first child was a newborn. We were holding him to sleep so much that he wouldn’t sleep in his bassinet. So of course I thought “oh crap! I ruined my baby!” I held him too much. I didn’t give him enough opportunities to try and learn to put himself to sleep. He will never recover, we are doomed. 

Wrong. When he was 3 months old he was fully sleep trained. It was almost as if holding your newborn baby a lot DOESN’T in fact ruin them. Crazy. 

I mean how can you resist those newborn snuggles?? Answer: you can't. It goes by so fast. I don't even care that everyone says that. They say it because it is so true. Hold your baby. Sleep train them later. Everything will be ok. (Hadley left - Paxton right)

The next time I thought this was when he was around 5 months old. His head was looking pretty flat. I thought he would need a helmet or at least some physical therapy. “Oh crap, I ruined my baby!” I didn’t give him enough tummy time. I let him lay on his back to play too often. He will never recover. 

Wrong again. We talked with my doctor and she just suggested switching which sides we laid him down and doing some neck stretches during playtime. And wow, he is totally fine. I didn’t ruin my baby! And guess what, even if your baby does need a helmet or physical therapy they will be SO FINE. More than fine. You did not ruin your baby. 

When he outgrew his high chair it was a struggle to get him to eat with us at the table. The ONLY way he would eat was in the playroom in his comfy chair watching tv. So, I let him. For a while. Because I thought I was doing a good thing by getting him to eat! I didn’t think it mattered WHERE he ate. “Oh crap, I ruined my toddler.” He won’t eat with us at the table. I have created terrible eating habits. These habits can never be broken. 

Super wrong. One day when I asked him to eat with us at the table he did. Just like that. And now that’s basically  the only place he eats meals (most of the time). His bad habit of only eating in front of the TV lasted maybe 3 weeks. I did not ruin my toddler. 

When our daughter was born I let Paxton watch so much TV. I was so tired and needing to hold Hadley so often to feed her or to sleep that I couldn’t physically entertain a toddler as much as he needed me to. I felt so guilty. When I’d try to turn the TV off and hand him a toy or a book instead he’d throw a fit. “Oh, crap. I ruined my toddler AGAIN.” He is so addicted to the TV that he has forgotten how to entertain himself with toys and books! 

When this picture was taken I was filled with so much mom guilt. We had basically been on the couch all day. Paxton had SO much screen time. Colton and I were both so tired. But then I stopped and realized wow look how cute we are! My whole family on the couch together. I am SO lucky! So I decided to take this selfie to remind myself of that. Look how well my kids pose (haha).

ANYWAYS! Paxton being addicted to screens only lasted a little while. He now loves books and entertains himself so well playing with all of his toys. Check out my post on Paxton's current favorite toys here!

There are plenty of other “oh crap” moments that I’ve had that would seriously turn this blog post into a novel. I was going to write more but as I was reading this to my husband he told me I should stop, people might get worried about my parenting style. My own husband, mom shaming me (jk mostly).

Also, I know these moments are not astronomical. But as a mom, and especially a mom that suffers with anxiety, they felt astronomical to me. We already feel all the mom guilt we don't need mom guilt on top of mom guilt for feeling mom guilt. Ya know?? No one is allowed to tell you what is a big problem and what is a small problem. If it seems big to you then it is. And I am here to tell you we have survived it all. And will continue to. And so will you. Bad habits can be broken. Mistakes made turn into lessons learned! We cannot be perfect mothers all the time, that is just crazy. And guess who is never going to remember all the times I thought they were ruined? Ok, I know ruined is a dramatic word. What can I say, I'm dramatic.

With Hadley I don’t have those thoughts AS often. I guess you could say the second baby chills you out just a bit. Do I still worry about her? Of course. I’m a mother. But each “oh crap” moment is only a season. You will both survive. You’ve got this mama. 

See look. They're just fine. Screen time, snack on couch and all!

And finally I'll leave you with this quote from one of my favorite Christian authors.

Bad moments don't make bad moms.

-Lisa Terkeurst

What "oh crap" moments have you experienced lately? Let me know in the comments!

With love,

Megan