Baby number 2 pregnancy thoughts
Y’all. I’m going to be honest. Paxton was NOT a planned baby. We were only married one year when we found out we were pregnant and we were just not financially - or mentally - ready. But when he arrived he quickly became our whole world. I cannot imagine life without him. Which I am sure, most of you feel about your first born’s. I always wanted children close in age because I come from a big family and siblings are just such a gift. Lifelong friends are you kidding me? Hadley was planned. We waited until Paxton was a year old and then - a few months later - found out we were pregnant with baby number 2. I was SO excited. And then… I was so sad!! Yes SAD! What in the world. I wanted this baby. We planned for this baby. And still, I was sad.
I was not ready to give up my first baby. Paxton was, like I said, our whole world. It made me sad to think about taking that away. Adding a new one to the mix. How in the WORLD would that love be the same? Measure up? How could it?? For 9 months I cried. Yes, cried. It seriously seems so silly now that I am here on the other side of this with 2 beautiful babies. But at that time I felt my feelings were so valid.
When I was pregnant with Paxton I had 9 months to prepare for a new baby. 9 months to get a nursery ready. 9 months to spend with just Colton and me. 9 months to enjoy being pregnant. With Hadley I spent 9 months being sad that my time alone with Paxton was so fleeting. I hugged him tighter. I kissed him more. I spent every moment I wasn’t working just playing with him and staring at him. I was seriously, Soaking. It. Up.
Colton would keep telling me, “Megan, so many people have more than one kid. This is normal! Paxton will be fine!” My friends who had more than one child would say “your heart only grows!” But Y’ALL I didn’t understand. I couldn’t see it. And THEN I was sad for Hadley because I thought, girl… there is no way I am going to love you as much as Paxton. I am sorry. But he was here first. I actually thought that.
And then!! She arrived. And it is so crazy y’all it is just like everyone said. Your heart grows. Paxton was fine. Everything was fine. And now… I cannot imagine life without her. She is ALSO my whole world. Hey if Jesus can love us all, I can love two kids right? Right. And so can you. If you are pregnant with baby number two and have those same thoughts know that 1) your thoughts are NORMAL! Don’t feel silly. 2) your heart truly TRULY only grows.
With love,
Megan